Since Josh was three months old he was always in such an amazing routine when it came to bedtime. He would have his last bottle and go in his cot awake at 7.30pm and drift off to sleep by himself and that was him for the night. This routine carried on until he was two until one night he was poorly and wanted mummy to cuddle him when he was in bed. Was this the biggest mistake I made? Yes and No.
Something must of clicked in his head and he realised he actually quite liked having his mum laying next to him in bed and cuddling her while he fell asleep. From that night on, I have never left his side when he has gone to bed. Every single night we lay in his bed together and cuddle up. It can take anything from two minutes up until an hour for him to fall asleep. It can be complete torture when I am so tired myself, to lay there in his bed confined into a small space while he fidgets and tries his very hardest to stay awake and refuses to sleep. Some nights I do think while i’m laying there come on Josh drift off mummy has so many things to do! I could be eating my tea, cleaning up your mess and even just having down time before I go to sleep myself.
There really is something about cuddling up to him that really is so special though. He lays with his head pressed against mine, his hand rests on my face and his other arm wrapped around his Mickey teddy. This is where he opens up all about his day and what has happened in school, what makes him happy and what has made him sad. I wait for bedtime most days as its where I find out exactly how my baby is feeling and whats on his mind. It is where I get to know him even better and how our bond just grows with each day that passes by.
We laugh and giggle about everything, we watch silly videos together on youtube and its the only time we have together as just the two of us. Since Freddie was born, the time we spend together (just us) has gone down so much, that I really cherish bedtime with Josh. He tells me every single night that he loves cuddling up with me, and that its his favourite thing about the day. It really is my favourite time too little one. If I lay there and send a text back to a friend, he looks at me and crossly says ‘Mummy you aren’t cuddling me, cuddle me please’ and I love how secure and happy it makes him.
Everyone I know tells me I shouldn’t do it, that he will forever have attachment issues and I am setting him up to fail as he will always need me. I don’t think this is true, I am making him feel loved, secure and seriously happy so how can that be wrong? I am showing him that mummy cares and mummy will always be there wanting to show him how much I love him. I want him to feel loved so that he learns how special it makes him feel, and how he can make someone else feel that way to.
I will lay with him until he falls asleep for as long as he wants me. I am not ready to give up that special time we have together and neither is he, and as long as its making him feel safe and happy I will continue to do so for as long as he is willing to have me there.
Even though sometimes those half hours feel long (so long) and I want to jump into bed myself, one day he will soon chuck me out and announce he wants to fall asleep on his own tonight and I will miss these times terribly. Honestly, don’t feel bad and think its a bad habit as they really are only little for a short time and they won’t need you there so enjoy those precious times even more even if you do get squished, poked in the eye and have them heavy breathing in your ear as those are the times you will miss the most. I know I want to hear ‘mummy just give me a cuddle please’ for a little while longer!