Every single time I leave the house with Freddie I could tell you the conversation I will have with somebody that day.
Aw look at him he’s lovely how old?
Is he your first?
No I have a four year old son
No way how old are you, you look far too young!
I am 25.
Are you still with the dad?
Oh that’s good, do they have the same dad?
No they don’t
I know I look young, I could get away with a child’s ticket on the bus and still get Id’d for a scratch card in any supermarket. I just don’t understand why people feel the need to point that out to me. What does how I look like or how old I am for that matter have to do with my ability to be a parent? What if I was 16 with two children what would your reaction of been then? There are mums out there who are 16/17 and they are just as good at being a mother as someone who is a lot older. Would you watch a young mum walk in the supermarket and think blimey she looks quite young I know let’s go and ask her how old she is, and then proceed to tell her she looks about 16. Yeah, I here that a lot. ‘I bet you do’
Now on to the dad questions. Firstly why would you even ask someone if they are still with the father isn’t that a little personal? I may be a kick ass brilliant single mother why the need to judge on the fact that just because I look young me and the dad most probably aren’t together anymore. Lastly, do they have the same dad?! Is that a genuine question you have just asked me! Why will this information be important to your life, do you really need to know so much about someone you have only just met? What I am trying to get at is if you don’t know somebody the questions that you ask them can be very judgmental and quite hurtful. Do I look like the type of mother who has two children by two different dad’s who is probably a single parent and far too young to be a good one at that. That is how I feel when I get asked these questions. What happened to your typical how old is he? He is beautiful, a quick smile and chat about what a lovely baby he is and then leave to carry on with your day.
I would honestly never dream of asking these type of questions to anybody, but maybe that is because I am so sick of hearing them myself that I wouldn’t want someone else to feel the same way. I know most comments are probably harmless but honestly when you have the same conversation ten times a davit gets draining.
I remember one time when I was on the bus with Josh and he was having a bit of a meltdown as he wanted to sit in the front seats (as we always did) but somebody else was sitting there. The stares I got from people on the bus was so off putting. I sat with him and tried to calm him down by getting him to sing songs and cuddled him to comfort him. Each direction I looked I could see peoples eyes burning through my skin. I could tell they were all thinking the same thing about young parents and how they shouldn’t have babies when they are a ‘baby’ themselves. It was hard work trying to calm him down with everyones preying eyes and tutting/head shaking until a elderly lady came up to me and said ‘It’s ok love, I had to come over to tell you what a great job you are doing and what a brilliant mother you are you can tell he adores you’ I honestly cried it was such a relief to hear somebody praise me instead of feeling the judgmental words and stares like usual. She made my day so much better and I left the bus with a happy child and an even happier mother. Kind words honestly mean so much and I really do think praising somebody when you can see they are struggling will mean so much to that person and make them believe in themselves again
Moral of the story, if somebody looks young and they have children with them and you feel the need to talk to them, just tell them how cute they are don’t go asking personal questions as they do effect people even if you may not think that they do!